Shocking Revelation About the G-Shock -
"G-Shock Can't Take The Shocks"
Prelude
Upon stumbling upon a nice and fanciful G-Shock in my school's computer lab, I was overwhelmed by the functions it could perform. A Databank, Local Time, Alarms and a Stopwatch function was standard fare for such a watch, and it lived up to its functionality. Physically, the metal cage surrounding the watch made it seem like an impenetrable fortress, capable of withstanding all but the most extreme of shocks. The "10 BAR Water-resistant" text engraved on the back of the watch made it all the more menacing. Now, being a good and curious student, the thought of putting the watch through a battery of tests naturally came to mind. Hence, the tough looking watch was put to the tests I and some of my mates had deviously crafted.
Test 1:
Well the bit where the strap was connected to the watch face seemed like a likely place to start. I twisted the strap hard but my strength was peanuts compared to the filthy rubber strap. Even a classmate of mine couldn't tear it to shreds. (Mind you, this classmate of mine is one of the strongest in the class) The watch had suffered no damage at all and the cute man running on the minute LED screen still had the guts to go on. Dejected, I moved onto the next test.
SCORE: 10/10
Test 2: Watch Whacks White Walls
Simply to put, this test involves white walls, whacking and the watch itself. Imagination is a powerful tool, and I suggest that you use it now. Imagine me holding the watch by the strap and slamming it into a white wall. Tough as the watch is, the strap fell off easily - comparable to how easy it is to get a scolding from a teacher. I had no choice but to fail Mr. G-Shock here.
SCORE: 4/10
Test 3: Clocking Credible Credits
The watch performance here was abysmal: the remaining strap fell off after decimating the vulnerable rubber bit on the concrete carpark. "FAIL"
SCORE: 2/10
Test 4: Wood Wants Watch
Watch > Wood
SCORE: 0/10 (for destroying public property - bad watch!)
Test 5: Dramatic Door Destruction
The watch was thrown at a door at high velocity resulting from energy transferred to it by an external source, hereby known as Person Z. Watch rebounded with massive force upon hitting the wooden door. Person Z now sticks the watch between the door and its frame. Person Z applies pressure to the door. Door hits the watch with great force. No visible change was observed.
SCORE: 7/10
Test 6: Chair Challenge
After all those sciencetific(sic) experiments involving advanced technology, it's time to go back to the basics. Yes, getting a plump person to sit on the watch. Unfortunately, all it served was to dampen our spirits.
SCORE: 5/10 (for dampening our spirits)
Test 7: Scissors Stabs
SCORE: 2/10
Test 8: Basic Brilliance
I, being the astonishingly brilliant character I am, devised the exact form in which to pulverize the watch - smashing it into the concrete floor of my classroom. However unexpected this was, the shock-resistant watch broke. It was then promptly destroyed into unrecognizable parts on subsequent tries. Shocking, isn't it. My tests could therefore go no further due to the cute LED man dying on me. "Nevermore," quoth the raven.
SCORE: -2/10
TOTAL SCORE: 28/80 - F9
The first thing I need to get off the bat is: No, I am not trying to cause chaos or racial disharmony in Singapore. I am totally terrified of being prosecuted but I must write this or I'll end up like our hero Tom here.
Obeying the law is a simple task, especially in sunny Singapore. However if you happen to study in the dreary education system and you're in a school like RV, you will need ways and methods to bring in the sun and de-stress. Here is where my little guide here comes in handy for any student.
First to even break a rule in school (or 'law' as i prefer to call it), you will need lots of research on the laws itself. If displaying an obscene gesture to a teacher isn't breaking the law, why should you even try to do it? The primary purpose of breaking laws, rebellion, is not attained here. Therefore this step is crucial for success in breaking the law.
After choosing a target rule to break, you have to add in other factors to the brew. Are there secondary goals to achieve here? Is showing a potential mate in school how strong you are as compared to the old hags in school as crucial as personal satification? You have to consider who you want to show the violation to, where you will do it, when you do it and not forgetting how you are going to do it. Dream up of creative ways to break the law - intending to speak offensive language? Conjure imaginary swear and curse words to confuse your dim-witted teacher! Plotting to stink-bomb the teacher's office? Take the dissected rabbit from Biology class and hide it in the photocopier! Being creative helps you achieve your secondary goals.
Displaying your plumage is as important for finding a mate to a bird as it is vital towards a hip teenager trying to get that emo girl in class. Here are several examples which breaks so many rules at once, you have to be a veteran at it to break all of them.
1. Look at the masculine unshaven face!
2. All the girls will swoon over your dyed hair!
3.Tons of hair gel combined with dyed hair allows for maximum effect.
Now that I've got that done and over with, here is a recommendation to what you should bring to school every day to be prepared to break the law anytime.
1.Bag - for hiding all that hair-gel
2.Plastic bag - for bringing your books to school
3.Authentic replica of a 19th century blunderbuss - just have it with you
4.Dead rabbit - isn't it obvious?
5.Pet rock - when you get all mushy
Pack your bag now! Happy contravening!
DISCLAMIER : The above article might be distressing for you. If you think you will be offended, violated, angered or disgusted by the above message, I hold no responsibility for what I have written. This is a personal view and is solely my own. At least I'm not spreading racist views, are you?