It irks me once and again to see ugly, unnavigable and obnoxious sites on the Internet. To stem this vulgar trend of seeing an increasing number of OHMYGODMEINEYES travesties on the Internet, I have decided to write a guide to blog design.

I understand that there are already numerous style guides for webpages written by more qualified people out there. Feel free to google for them if you feel that my ramblings are of no use.

While I realise I might be violating some of my very own rules, I hope you will overlook these and concentrate on the content, for it is my laziness from which these sins bore fruit.

These are merely some basic tips I have gathered in my somewhat limited years trawling the intertubes.

1.Do not embed anything on the main page
The reason for this is simple: loading whatever you have embedded(except pictures) takes up time. Time the viewer can get annoyed in, and leave without seeing what you have on your site. If you must embed a file no matter what, do not let it automatically play. Your site should take less than 5 seconds to show resemblance to an actual site.

2.Do not autoplay anything
Yes, this is so bloody important it deserves a point of its own. People do or do not listen to music while surfing the Internet, and it is this habit which has spawned numerous add-ons such as FoxyTunes for Firefox. People do not share the exact same tastes, and might not want to even listen to your generic pop trash you have put up on your site. GOD DAMN IT PEOPLE, DO NOT AUTOPLAY ANYTHING IF POSSIBLE

3.Do not use intrusive Javascript
Or better, no javascript at all. Javascript is annoying. It causes errors. Some people have Javascript off in their browsers. Javascript takes up processor cycles. Thank goodness I'm not seeing this often anymore.

4.Do not use a fixed page-width which is higher than 1024x768
This prevents horizontal scrolling. Nobody likes to scroll horizontally. Of course, a dynamic-width page is preferred, but it causes design horrors to faggots and bitches who want to make their site all artsy-fartsy .

5. Make sure your site works well in all the major browsers.
Internet Explorer 6, 7+, Firefox 2, 3+, Opera and Konqueror. Market your site to almost everyone possible on the Internet.

6. Basic design principles
No animated gifs as background, no clashing colours, no seizure-inducing designs, no ugly watermarks on images, readable text and DO NOT EMBED SHIT ON YOUR SHITTY SITE

7.NSFW links should be tagged as so
Not safe for work? Tag it. People slack off at jobs to earn money, not to lose them.

8.Posts
Posts should have a title, post date and edit dates. Also try to include pictures with every post to keep them interesting.

9.Language
Do type in good language, it helps in comprehending whatever you are trying to type. Exile the disgusting netspeak to the depths of hell - good language helps very much to ascertain your credibility. Spell checkers and grammar checkers are all over the Internet, use them.

10.NO EMBED
NO EMBED, LISTEN TO ME, NO EMBED
I SAID NO EMBEDDED SHIT, YOU HEAR ME?

Should you have any additional ideas, do feel free to comment.

Also, the flash border is embedded. Lulz.

The Mas Rap

Verse 1:
Some say "Meh", some say "Huh!?"
Uncle Wong says it's time to find Mas
Everybody, we have a part to play
To help cover our ass at the end of the day!

Wash PM hands clean whenever we can
Wash with CNA, then at least can mope
When you see trouble, run away quickly
"Kiasu" a bit - be safe, not sorry!

Try not to fire any minister
Wait a few months lah, wait and see
Eh why you rush to push the blame?
Use Police Chief lah, use your brain!

Getting protection from this ruckus
Means getting wealthy - inside us
Don't take the blame and become too poor
And make us only able to say "Oh dear"!

Good media control and military
Makes sure nobody laughs at gahmen
Eat without complaints your bullshit
Then you won't find yourself in the pits!

WKS say don't play play
Or this stupid Mas is here to stay
But we can find him, you and me
Help find Mas in our country!

Mas is the bastard I just want to minus
No more surprises if you JUST DIE, JUST DIE, JUST DIEEEEE
Can't Mas me baby,
(Haha, nice try)
And I don't mean maybe
I must be steady, and USE MY BRAIN, USE MY BRAIN, USE MY BRAAAAIN

Verse 2:
Some say "Meh", some say "Huh!?"
Uncle Wong says it's time to find Mas
Everybody, we have a part to play
To help cover our ass at the end of the day!

If you see Mas, give an alert
Even if we are jerks (and don't post a reward)
Don't be hero and catch him yourself
Give us some glory lah, give us face!

Take a bus, see our poster
See that one face, he's the spoiler
Wait for toilet break to run away
Give us so much trouble in a day!

Think you see Mas call 999
Police car will come and find
To bring him back to Whitley in a fit
Where they know security like I know bullshit!

Mas, if you kenna "Quarantine" again
Don't you go out on penalty of pain
"Tahan" a while and cooperate
Don't give everybody a big headache!

WKS say don't play play
Or this stupid Mas is here to stay
But we can find him, you and me
Help find Mas in our country!

Mas is the bastard I just want to minus
No more surprises if you JUST DIE, JUST DIE, JUST DIE IN A FIREEEEE
Can't Mas me baby,
(Haha, nice try)
And I don't mean maybe
I must be steady, and USE MY BRAIN, USE MY BRAIN, USE MY BRAAAAIN

Verse 3:
Some say "Meh", some say "Huh!?"
Uncle Wong says it's time to find Mas
Everybody, we have a part to play
To help cover our ass at the end of the day!

Keep our country's reputation clean and green
Because nowadays, Malaysia is mean
Don't leave your bumboats for this Mas Selamat
Unless you want him to run, alamak!

...Oh fuck this, I can't satire for shit.

Labels: EPIC FAIL, singapore